The worst part about being newly single is learning how to date again.
Full disclosure: I married my high school boyfriend. So, to say I ever knew how might be a stretch.
I asked my friends where to meet new people. They repeated the typical cliches: the bar, the club, online – and then something I couldn’t believe – dating apps.
“Are you serious?,” I thought. I had heard of Tinder, but I didn’t realize people really used it.
I did a little research. It turned out there are TONS of apps that exist just to connect you with other likeminded people. From what I could tell, it was just like instant messenger, but for potential dates.
That wasn’t quite true. Unless you IM with a bunch of married creeps…
But before we go down the road, let’s talk about the road right before it.
I didn’t feel confident enough to even download a dating app.The last relationship I was in totally crashed and burned. Which didn’t put me in a place to be bold.
The idea of being vulnerable all over again was terrifying. To make matters worse, I had no idea which app to turn to. Queue the scary music.
So. Many. Choices. The number of apps to choose from was, like, woah. A dating pool in itself.
Not going to lie, I didn’t even look at Tinder. Not for me. Okay, one down 99,000 to go.
I sorted through my options, and decided MeetMe was my best bet. It had a user friendly filtering system that connected you with people near you.
But it was basic – only accounting for age, gender and location – so not much of a matching system. I liked that it felt casual and that I could post my own updates, just like Facebook. I could also chat with people in forums, which was less intimidating.
But f*ck, was I scared! How was I going to let other people judge me? How was I going to put myself out there again?
To my own shock, I clicked “download,” and let my power take over. Once I found the strength to be vulnerable, I totally found my confidence.
I wanted it all! And nothing could stop me. 😉
I’d love for this piece to end with some cheery outcome and me happily in love again, but this story is a little different. Plenty of suitors sent messages my way, none of whom were worth my time.
Their messages were insulting, degrading, and even threatening. Apparently, it’s normal to treat women online this way. It happened time and time again.
Here’s what I learned:
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Nothing about this experience honored my vulnerability or my desire to find a mature partner. I found my power while witnessing the weakness of these suitors. It was baffling. It was disheartening. It was enough to click “DELETE.”
I share this with you to bring light to what I believe is super common: a woman’s confidence being shafted by some loser’s inability to express himself decently. Don’t listen to the apps, girls.
Listen to me:
I am still searching for the right way to meet the right person, but I know one thing for sure: apps are not it. Swipe right, please.
When Sarah is not sharing her love of condoms and girl power with the world, you can find her…just kidding, that is ALL Sarah is about. Find out more on Instagram and don’t forget to use XXRunTheWorld at check out.